hospital drama

We visited my grandfather yesterday, my dad's dad, at the Philippine Heart Center. A already saw him last weekend when he was still up north at tugegarao. He was recently transferred by ambulance from there because, hell, he won't last longer if he stayed up there, for lots of reasons.

Last I saw him, he was already recovering. Which is good. Or I dunno. He's already 79 years old, I always exclaim that he has gone a very long way in life. People in my father's side of the family tend to reach a very long age. My immediate family ain't really for aging, we're more of be successful and die young types.

Anywhooo... the hospital room with my grandfather in it throws me into an awkward mood. When he greeted me with his toothless smile, I smile back. But maybe I do give out this awkward vibe because I was thinking in overdrive inside that room, full of pointless ponderings. He looked so sickly, so frail and so helpless. I don't mean to feel sorry for him, but males in our clan tend to be mighty and vibrant, and you could really feel that part of him drained out.

But something bothers me. Aren't I supposed to pray that he get well and live for a couple more days or months, or perhaps even more than a year? Aren't I suppose to pray that he be able to do stuff again, and get out of the hospital? I'm confused because I'm in this mood of acceptance that somehow he would die in one flash of a moment, he has already done so much with his life, soo much that he would leave his family a mammoth of legacy. All efforts to revive him and prolong his existence will leave people a memory of him being utterly frail and perhaps partially handicapped. I seem to find that hard to bear. So there, I don't wish for him to survive this ordeal much longer, neither do I wish for him to die. I just stand by and think... whatever may come shall come. I feel sorry for him also, in a certain way. As a child, even until now, I always fantasize our clan being a tribe of warriors. And seeing him like this makes me sad. Because warriors don't want to perish in a soft bed reeking of antiseptic, they want to fall in the heat of a mighty battle- figuratively, of course.


and oh!-on a much lighter note. The nurse who's assigned to my grandfather's a girl from my distant past. Someone I knew intimately and is now the girlfriend of a friend of mine, my batchmate actually.

Sometimes, the world can just shrink so small... it becomes smaller than my balls.

So yesterday, I saw the guy(yeah the boyfriend) and we were both on our way up, him to fetch his girlfriend whom I knew intimately before, and me to see my grandfather. We both saw the girl at the nurse's station as we passed by, and there!!!!! And the award for BEST AWKWARD MOMENT GOES TO...

I'd rather not go to details. You get the picture. hehehe