opus, labora

I have to write before I dry up again. There has to be a break to my life-pattern. Wherein, when I start to experience some action, I stop writing. I tend to break off my other pursuits, and then suddenly find myself in a pool of lukewarmness. And that, as we all know, is sucky. Right?

SO here I am, a week into my work at Dell. Dell Philippines. Hell, you wouldn't imagine how over-eager I am to work there. I constantly have restrain myself lest I start looking like some overeager retarded first-grader. This is my liberation. I have gained freedom from this oppresive prison cell that I call my room.

How was it? Well, for one thing I discovered that my mind has been sufficiently warped after four months in captivity. I feel like my social skills have been crippled in a considerable extent. I think I lost the need to walk around being oh-so Mr. Friendly. Well, I won't be surprised if someone sees me as an egoistic and cocky asshole with an impressive sense of style. (shameless)

I have this feeling that I feed off other people's energies. That sounds wrong. But I guess I didn't mean it like I'm some parasitic mutant freak. I just feel surrounded by a strange energy when around humans, especially in a group. Or in an intense conversation. That explains my constant lethargy when at home, holed up in my room.

Work also serves as useful distraction from my self-destructive mind activities. It's unbelievable what a mind like mine can brew up in an idle state. It moves from profound to perverse to senseless to fantastic to useless to creative and finally to a drifting state that can be described by picturing a murky pool of stagnant water.

I have to say this. I feel powerful. I feel no shame in bragging about the size of my ego. It's just my ego, right? What's the big frkn deal. But anyway, I feel that this is another unique opportunity to be good, to perform and whatever else I am good at. I always consider it my personal mission to be the good in everything I do, which is of course no unique. I feel a terrible shame when I suck at what I do. I especially recognize the things that I am incapable of and I proceed with caution when getting into anything.

What now? Just an end to senselessness. Oh, I have discovered my weakness, again. It's just that I tend to forget. This particular weakness is a mark of people in our bloodline, so I'd best keep my distance. OR maybe I should play it cool, I dunno. For, now, distance is my best option. There's so much IO